As I surfed the channels of my TV the other day, I came across an outdoor show that had checkered shirted timberman types throwing axes. I stopped there. The competition was pretty impressive. Every axe hit its target, some closer to the bull’s eye than others, but everyone sailed through the air and struck with a thwack. There was satisfaction to that sound. There was no doubt the axe had found its mark and buried itself deep into the wood. My recovery from sexual addiction is a competition that could be said is just as dangerous as the axe throwing competition.
Every time I stand up to a trigger. Every time I resist a temptation. I am standing at the mark looking down at the target with my ax in hand. I throw and sometimes it is a bull’s eye, dead center. More often, it is a little off but still on the target. Yet, there are times when the handle hits first instead of the axe head and there is no satisfying thwack of success. Even those times I know that I stood at the mark, I took aim at the trigger, and I threw my axe.
I was feeling pretty good about my recovery when the log rolling competition began. Now, I was hooked on this outdoor, woodsy competition and there was no way the channel was going to be changed. I watched as each man dressed in the ever-present checkered shirt and suspenders, wearing heavy boots, balanced on a floating log while holding a bar. The bar was lifted away, and the clock started. Now the man had to keep his own balance. As I waited for the first man to go down into the water, I was struck how sexual addiction compares to the competition. The log is our addiction. We are the competitor, trying to stay balanced on the addiction, with our legs peddling back and forth like crazy, all the while our upper body remains somewhat poised. This presents our face to the world as calm and in control of our lives. The world doesn’t see the unsteady platform we are on or the frenzied activity needed to stay on top of it. The world doesn’t see the lake of sin we are going to surely fall into once we lose our balance.
Watching the competition, it occurred to me that the log roller always fell into the water. Win or lose, the end result was the same. How about us? Are we doomed to fall off our log of addiction into sin? Is it only a matter of time? Sinning is truly as easy as rolling off that log. Whether we give up, slip up, or tire out, when we depend on ourselves the end result will be the same.
Unlike the log roller competitor, we have one more option that can keep us out of the lake. We can lift our arms up. Reach for God. He is there to steady us, to give us rest, and to lift us off our log of addiction. All we need to do is to reach for Him.
Whether I am throwing axes at triggers or lifting my arms up to our Lord Jesus Christ, I am dealing with my sexual addiction every day, every hour. If you haven’t begun. If you haven’t picked up an axe. If your legs are peddling to keep up with the lies and schemes that fuel your addiction, there is no time like right now to begin. It is hard. It requires work and sacrifice from you and no one but you can do this.
Look up. Reach up. Begin your journey to be free of your sexual addiction.
Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, I’ve been on this log of sexual addiction for a while. I’m tired of working to keep my balance. I’m tired of falling into sin only to climb back out onto my log and continuing to try to find my balance. Lord, I can’t do this on my own. Please take my hands. Please lift me up. I place my trust, my life in your hands. Thank you, Lord, for being there. AMEN.