Is his Addiction to Porn my Fault?

Is his Addiction to Porn my Fault?

Is his Addiction to Porn my Fault?

I used to think it was. Could I have prevented his use of porn?  Here is the list of things that went through my head the first time I discovered sites he had looked at on our home laptop: 

I must not be enough :( 
If I dressed sexier, he wouldn’t need to look at this. 
If I were skinnier, he would be more attracted to me. I did crash diets to try to lose weight. Crazy exercise regiments. 
If I didn’t nag him so much, he wouldn’t need the escape. 
If I were more open to exploring new things with our sex life, he would be more fulfilled and would not seek this stuff out. 

 

Over the past 12 years I have blamed myself every time I found sites he had visited, videos he had watched or messages he had sent to other women. I would think to myself, If I hadn’t turned down his advances and gone to bed with a headache this wouldn’t have happened. 

But the truth is it would have happened, and it did. 

Looking back, there were many nights where we were sexually intimate, and he would still get up in the middle of the night to binge on porn. I know this because I would get up tip toe to the living room or office and see him on the computer scrolling through pictures or worse. I always told myself I would confront him, but it took years for me to get the courage to do so. 

The truth is his addiction started way before he even met me. He was only 10 years old when he was first exposed to porn and it quickly became his coping mechanism for when he felt sad, angry, alone, bored, worried, anxious, or overwhelmed. 

Having the support of other women (through Captives Free Online Spouse Group) that are going through the same struggles with their husband’s addiction has helped me see and process that his addiction to porn was never my fault and your husband’s addiction to porn isn’t your fault either. Throughout this journey I have received lots of bad advice/ bad counsel that fed into me believing that his addiction was somehow my fault. 

Captives Free Online Spouse Group is a safe place to bare your heart and your struggles with other women who truly understand what you are going through whether it be emotionally, physically, mentally, or spiritually. This journey is hard, and it can make you question your worth but... 

 You are enough.
You are beautiful.
You are strong.
You Are More Than Enough!
Believe it!
JW